If you wake up in the morning, it’s because Jack Bauer spared your life.
Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
Jack Bauer’s favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
The Black Eyed Peas were just The Peas until Jack Bauer heard their music.
When someone asks him how his day is going, Jack replies, "Previously, on 24..."
Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the freaking bomb was.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Passed out, surrounded by terrorists and nerve gas, and handcuffed to a table leg, Jack Bauer laughed to himself and said, "I have them right where I want them."
Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.
Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
Jack Bauer doesn’t miss. If he didn’t hit you it’s because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists.
Quetin Tarantino was asked to direct a biography about Jack Bauer. He passed. It was too violent.
Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he’s knocked out or temporarily killed.
No man has ever used the phrase, “Jack Bauer is a wussy" in a sentence and lived to tel-
In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
As a child, Jack Bauer’s first words were “There’s no time!”
When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
If Jack Bauer's gun jams, it's because he wanted to beat you with it.
Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
The state of California plans to reduce violent crime by changing the method of capital punishment from lethal injection to Jack Bauer.
Everytime Jack Bauer yells “NOW!” at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.
If you send someone to kill Jack Bauer, the only thing you accomplish is supplying him a fresh set of weapons to kill you with.
Jack Bauer could get off the Lost island in 24 hours.
If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.
After arguing over what was the better show, 24 or Walker Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris went to attack Jack Bauer with his trademark roundhouse kick. Jack Bauer caught it.